


Team Free Will and their Daemons

by AuriLamora



Category: His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman, Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Daemons, Angst, Daemons, During Canon, Episode: s09e01 I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here, Episode: s09e03 I'm No Angel, Episode: s09e06 Heaven Can't Wait, Family, Friendship, Gen, Human Castiel (Supernatural), Implied Destiel - Freeform, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pre-Canon, Settling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2020-05-16 00:04:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19306585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuriLamora/pseuds/AuriLamora
Summary: John looked from his Golden Retriever daemon, who hadn't said a single word since their wife's death, to his oldest son's wolf. The dark, scrawny wolf, wrapped up around Sam and Aesina. For one single, startling moment he wondered what Mary would have said. About the fact that Dean was only ten, far younger than most who settled. About the shape their son's soul had grown into...Team Free Will's lives with the addition of daemons. Because there can never be enough daemon AUs.WIP.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dean.

Dean didn't notice he had settled for two days. He was ten, and Sam had just started first grade. He realized it when Celandia didn't turn into a chimpanzee to make sure Sam and Aesina didn't fall off the monkey bars when they were at the playground that Saturday. She followed them from the ground instead, taking care to stay right below them. When Dean asked what she was doing, she looked at him like he was stupid.

Dean knew what Settling was. But it was only now that he realized she hadn't changed for a couple of days. He examined the black wolf that was bigger than most adult daemons even though she wasn't fully grown yet. That would come in handy to scare off the boys who were responsible for Sam's scraped knees yesterday.

He gave Cela a satisfied nod and told Sammy to be extra careful.

That night, when she was wedged in between him, Aesina and Sam, he realized that her fur felt just as soft as his mom's wildcat's had been.

 

*

 

It took John almost a month to realize Celandia wasn't changing anymore.

He came out of the motel bathroom and checked on the boys and their daemons. They were all deeply asleep in the bed by the window. John looked from his Golden Retriever daemon, who hadn't said a single word since their wife's death, to his oldest son's wolf. The dark, scrawny wolf, wrapped up around Sam and Aesina. For one single, startling moment he wondered what Mary would have said. About the fact that Dean was only ten, far younger than most who settled. About the shape their son's soul had grown into.

But as always thinking of Mary made him think of her death, which in turn made him think of the monster that had killed her. _Good,_ he thought, _that Dean will always have a tough soul_ _by his side_ _to protect him and his brother._

He fell into his own bed and thought about nothing at all until he went to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sam.

"SAMMY!"

He heard Dean shout from the other side of the house. Sam crashed his way through the cluttered living room, backing away from the two ghosts coming for him and Aesina. He managed to shoot a round of salt at the ghost of the old man, making him disappear, but the younger one waved his arm and a piece of wood broke of from a chair, rose up into the air and cut across Sam's arm, making him drop the shotgun.

Aesina turned into an eagle, flew high and then swooped down at the ghost. Sam felt his heart leap into his throat as it batted her away roughly before she could attack with her beak. In the split second of contact between the ghost and Sam's daemon, he sensed a burst of intense hatred.

When she landed on the couch Aesina didn't get up. He saw her shivering, probably stunned from the contact with hundreds of years of accumulated rage more than from the blow itself.

Sam looked up at the pounding of footsteps and saw Dean and Cela running down the corridor towards them, Dad and Brea right behind them. But the ghost noticed them too. It waved its arm again and slammed the door shut just before Dean and his wolf daemon reached it.

The ghost turned back to Sam, a grin on its face. It must have been about sixteen when it died, barely older than Sam.

The lack of a daemon always gave Sam the creeps.

Dean and Dad were shouting, pounding on the door. The old man's ghost rematerialized next to the younger one. Sam wondered if he was about to end up like the other victims, with his insides all over the floor.

 _No_ , he thought while they slowly advanced toward him. The research Dad had made him do told him these two had been responsible for over a hundred deaths in the last two centuries. _They need to be stopped._ _I can stop them._ _I_ will _stop them._

Just as he pulled his backup weapon, the one Dad had given him for his fifteenth birthday a week earlier, a cold blast of air threw him against the wall and pinned his arms against the old wallpaper.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Aesina change into something big on the couch just as the older ghost raised a knife, ready to slash into Sam.

Then a lot of things happened at once. The door gave way and Dean and Cela crashed into the room, Dean immediately raising his shotgun toward the ghosts and Sam on the other side of the room. A golden blur pounced from the couch onto the older man, pushing him away from Sam. And Sam managed to turn the gun in his hand around enough to fire a salt bullet at the younger ghost, making him disappear instantly.

The power holding Sam against the wall went away and he regained his footing. Dean, Dad and their daemons rushed across the room.

But there was no need for their help. Aesina pinned the older man's ghost to the ground and tore out his throat. After a few seconds, the ghost disappeared in a puff of golden light.

Sam stared at her as Dean ran the final steps toward him. "Sam! Where are you hurt?"

He realized only then that his arm was still bleeding. "It's not that bad Dean. Just a cut." He batted his brother away, still looking at his daemon. Aesina stayed crouched on the floor where the ghost had just disappeared.

She had changed into a lioness. And she had just ripped that ghost apart quicker than Sam had ever seen Dad's Golden Retriever or Dean's wolf kill a monster.

"Has anyone seen the cross?" Dad asked. "The other ghost could be back any second, we need to burn it, _now_."

"Yeah, it's on that shelf by the door." Sam pointed.

"Dean!" their Dad barked, keeping his eyes and gun on the room around them in case the ghost returned. Brea was growling lightly, just as alert.

His brother reluctantly left Sam's side, while Cela stayed with him and Aesina, who was shaking her head as if trying to get rid of something on her fur. Sam tried to make eye contact with his daemon, but she turned away from him.

Dean retrieved the leather cord with the cross and set fire to it with the help of a little lighter fluid. There was a distant shrieking somewhere above them, before the cross was completely destroyed and everything became quiet. Sam felt the air getting warm again.

As soon as there was no more danger, Dean rounded on him. "You were supposed to stay in the car!"

"You were gone for ages!" Sam protested as Dean took off his outer shirt and came over to wrap it around the cut in Sam's arm. "It's not like I wanted to come, but I thought you might need help."

Dad had lowered his gun. "We did. They had us trapped in the basement. You probably drew them away from us when you discovered the cross. Well done, son." He looked at Aesina. "She defeated it efficiently."

Sam too watched his daemon, who was now using a paw to clean her face the way a house cat would. Something about this form felt different. He hoped he was imagining it.

Cela nudged the lioness with her nose. "Let's go."

Dean agreed. "We need to get you to the motel and clean that cut properly. It's not that deep, but it might need a few stitches anyway."

Sam kept trying to catch Aesina's eye, but when she ignored him, he sighed and gave up. They followed Dean outside, Dad and Brea bringing up the rear.

It was a good thing that Dad had given Dean the Impala and was driving his own car. Because when Dean, Cela, Sam and Aesina got into the Impala, Sam's daemon didn't change into something small to fit inside properly. Instead, when Sam got into the back seat, she stayed in her form and stretched out on the floor at his feet, filling up the whole space. Dean and Cela were sitting next to each other in the front, and there would not have been enough space for Dad and Brea without risking an accidental touch.

"Is this it, then?" Sam accused Aesina.

"Look, it wasn't my choice, all right?" she snapped back, still not looking at him. "I know you don't like it, but apparently, it's who we are!"

Dean and Cela looked back at them, startled. "You settled?"

Sam crossed his arms and glared through the window. "Well, it wouldn't have happened if Dad hadn't insisted on going on this stupid hunt!" He wished Dad never found out. He would probably be over the moon that Sam had settled as one of the deadliest hunters in the animal kingdom.

Dean started the car. Sam heard the smirk in his voice as he said, "Who'd have thought? Sammy and Sina, all grown up ..."

Cela looked down at Aesina over the back of the front seat. "We've always been proud of you two, you know," she said. "It doesn't matter to us what form you take."

Sam ignored them.

He already dreaded starting at his next school. How on earth was he meant to fit in amongst the dogs and cats, squirrels and goats, sparrows and guinea pigs, with a _lioness_?

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Castiel.

When God created the first humans, Lucifer and his followers were full of envy. Castiel, on the other hand, only felt awe. He had never seen anything as intricately beautiful as a human soul. They were made entirely of ethereal Dust, swirling and glowing in a hundred different hues behind their solid animal forms.

As he observed more and more humans over the next few decades, he realized that not only did every soul look different to his angel senses, but even the animal forms, which were all the humans themselves could see, varied greatly and seemed to represent each individual human perfectly.

 

*

 

The righteous man was busy torturing another human when Castiel reached him in hell. But even though the physical manifestation of Dean Winchester's mind was using a knife to carve out a heart, his daemon wasn't corrupted. Underneath the layer of soot covering her black fur, Castiel could sense that she was pure, still, and full of love, loyalty and fierce protectiveness.

Dean cowered away from Castiel's grace at first, but the wolf did not struggle at all when he carried them both out of there.

 

*

 

He tried talking to them after their resurrection. The daemon pricked up her ears, without any clear indication of whether or not she could understand what he was saying. Dean, however, reacted badly.

Consequently, Castiel found himself a vessel.

He knew other angels made their vessel's daemons walk alongside them so they wouldn't alarm the humans. But he felt better tucking the daemon away next to the rest of James Novak, safe and mostly unaware of what was happening around them. Since he had no intention of hiding his true nature from Dean anyway, there was no real need to pretend he had a daemon.

 

*

 

When Castiel was brought back to life after being killed by Raphael, he was alone in his vessel. He was glad that Jimmy and his soul were in heaven now. They had suffered enough. He soon stopped noticing their absence.

 

*

 

The worst thing about being at odds with the Winchesters during the fight against Raphael wasn't Dean's anger. It was the disappointment in the way Celandia looked at him.

But though it felt utterly wrong, consuming the souls from purgatory, Castiel knew he had to do it. It was the only way to stop Raphael. To save the world from the Apocalypse. Didn't they understand he was doing it for them and the rest of humankind? Wasn't this what Dean had taught him about having free will, that it meant you had to make the hard choices sometimes?

 

*

 

Being Emmanuel was easier than being Castiel. Mainly because not remembering anything meant that there was no guilt. But even then he always knew there was something wrong with him. Something that went further than the amnesia. He was found without his daemon, after all. Daphne said his soul was with God already, but must still be connected to his body somehow, since he clearly wasn't severed. She said that the connection to heaven was where his healing powers came from.

He wasn't so sure. Sometimes, when he thought about it for too long, he felt tainted. As if he had done something unspeakable. Maybe his daemon had left him on purpose.

 

*

 

When Metatron took Castiel's grace in heaven, he felt numb inside. It was as if everything that had made him himself was just _gone_ , and his mind, unable to process that, was acting on autopilot. He didn't feel anything except shock.

Later, when he came to in a dark forest on earth, he was suddenly feeling too much. There were the leaves under his hands as he pushed himself off the ground, and the smell of the forest, which had a distinctly new quality to it. He could see, but less clearly than before. He could hear a bird fluttering in a tree somewhere above him, but he could not pinpoint exactly where the sound was coming from. And as he looked at the sky and saw his brothers and sisters fall, he felt pressure around his chest and a new stinging in his eyes.

He just stood there trying to process everything for a moment. Then he realized that, for the very first time in his existence, he had no idea where he was. So he simply started walking, alternating his gaze between the streaks of light in the sky and the ground in front of him.

 

*

 

When he arrived at the highway, the sun had risen, an ache in his stomach had joined the other sensations, and there was a pain in his mouth and throat that he had never felt before. He had also started sweating slightly. He ignored all of it as best as he could.

Then he heard the distraught voices of the fallen angels on angel radio. All other sensations were pushed to the side as he stumbled along the road.

He nearly got hit by a car, managing to jump out of the way at the last moment.

The car stopped and its driver and his armadillo daemon came towards him. "Hey buddy! You okay?"

Castiel looked at his bleeding hand, slightly dazed. "It … hurts."

"The hell you doing in the middle of the road like that?"

He raised his head and realized the man and his daemon were looking at him strangely, searching the side of the road with their eyes. "And anyway, where is your-" There was a fluttering somewhere behind him and they seemed to relax. "Oh, right."

Castiel was too busy processing what had just happened to turn around to see what they were looking at. "I heard angels." And his brothers and sisters were terrified. _He_ was terrified. For them, for the world, for himself, for Sam and Dean …

He declined the man's offer of water. There were more important things going on right now. "A phone. Do you have a phone?"

The man gave him a lift instead.

Once he was in the car Castiel did drink the water.

 

*

 

When they arrived at the gas station, he saw a bird fly out of the bed of the truck from the corner of his eye. He glanced up at the sky, feeling the rain on his face. He wondered if he would look at a bird ever again without being acutely aware of his own lack of wings.

 

*

 

Castiel had never thought of a human's daemon as something threatening. But when he realized he couldn't use his powers against the biker on the payphone, the man's growling Rottweiler suddenly made him feel uneasy. He turned quickly and walked away.

And then he met Hael. It was disconcerting, that he hadn't immediately recognized her. He only realized she was an angel when she used his name.

There was a twinge of guilt inside him when he lied to her, saying he did not know why the angels fell. That, at least, was an emotion he was already intimately familiar with. It did not feel all that different in this new form.

He tried focusing on the positive. "It's an opportunity for you, and the others who have fallen, to do what you would _like_ to do, not just what you were told."

Explaining the concept of free will to her was strange. Though it was nice to see the way her face lit up when they talked about going to see the Grand Canyon.

He left out the part about making wrong choices, for now. This was difficult enough for her.

 

*

 

When the biker was gone, Castiel used the payphone to talk to Dean. Who tried to convince him to return straight to the bunker instead of meeting Sam and him or helping any of the angels.

"You said you lost your grace, right? That means you're human. That means you bleed, and you eat and you sleep and all the things you never had to worry about before!"

"I'm fine, Dean."

"Wait, how human are you? Do you have a daemon?"

Before Castiel had fully processed the question, there was a rumbling sound on Dean's end of the line.

"Whoa."

"What's going on?"

"I think we got more company. Look, get your ass to the bunker. Alone. You hear me?"

"Dean-"

"Go, Cas!"

And he was gone.

Castiel hung up the receiver. There was nothing he could do for Sam and Dean from here. His lack of wings felt even more crippling than it had until then.

He turned around, determinedly not looking up at the roof behind him. Since Dean had mentioned the possibility, it was impossible to deny that there was something there. But he couldn't deal with this right now.

He explained to Hael that he had to leave. She argued. "I'm sorry," he said.

As he turned and stepped away from her, there was a sudden twitter before something hit the side of his head. Everything went black.

 

*

 

When he came to, he immediately knew the daemon was on the floor of the car behind his seat. There was an awareness inside him that he had been ignoring, telling him where it was, just as he knew what position his body was in.

Hael told him of her plan to possess him.

When he realized there was no other way out of the situation, he crashed the car.

"Don't you get it? Together, I can protect you, Castiel." She looked at the bird that had fluttered out of the car and landed on the grass beside him. "You and your weak human body and soul."

Castiel clenched his teeth together and kept looking at Hael. "I don't need your-" He paused and corrected himself, "I don't _want_ your protection."

When she threatened to tell the other angels where he was, he stabbed her.

 

*

 

In the laundromat, the daemon sat on the washing machine next to the one he was putting his clothes into. It seemed to be watching his every move. He avoided looking at it as he stole someone else's clothes and used the last of his money to buy a bottle of water from the vending machine.

He stepped outside, finished the water and lowered the bottle.

The daemon sat perched on the railing in front of him.

Castiel looked at it properly for the first time. It was a barn swallow, with dark blue wings, back, and forked tail, a white belly and a rusty patch on its neck and forehead. He remembered a time when barn swallows still built their nests in caves and on cliff faces, before humans had started building permanent structures. They were agile flyers, able to snatch insects out of the air effortlessly, capable of quick, tight turns and dives.

As he gazed at it, the daemon studied him in return, cocking its head to the side.

"Well. It's nice of you to acknowledge my existence," it remarked in a female voice.

Castiel jumped slightly. He had temporarily forgotten daemons could talk. He looked around, then back at the bird in front of him.

"Hello," he said.

They fell back into silence.

Now that he concentrated, he realized that he was aware of more than her position. The uneasiness and confusion he felt were not just coming from his own body, but from in front of him as well.

"So ... you're my daemon."

"That seems obvious."

He didn't know what else to say. She had witnessed everything he had done since Metatron had taken his grace. She had seen him stab Hael. What must she think of him? What did she even know? He was suddenly anxious to find out.

"What do you know about me? About everything that has happened?"

She shifted her weight from one foot to the other. "We're the same person. I have all of your memories, Castiel."

This being _was him_. If she had his memories, then she knew about every bad decision he had ever made. He wondered why was she even talking to him. But as he accepted that she was him, he also felt that she was new, different. He had not had a soul, before, only grace.

"I'm afraid I'm not really sure how this works," he apologized.

"Neither am I. You'd think being alive for millennia would make someone better prepared for all of this, wouldn't you?" She gave a short chirp. Castiel had no idea how he knew it was her equivalent of a self-deprecating snort.

He took a moment to gather up his courage. Then he slowly reached towards her with his free hand. "Can I-?"

A touch of curiosity joined the uneasiness. She kept very still and didn't protest, so he gently ran a finger over her head. After a moment she turned her head and nipped at his little finger. It was strangely comforting.

Then she turned her head to regard the street. "We shouldn't linger here for too long. The owner of these clothes is going to come back."

"You're right." He looked out at the night. It was starting to get colder.

"Finding some sort of shelter for the night should be the next step, right?"

"Yes. Okay. I can - I can do that."

Neither of them seemed very convinced. But she took to the air and started swooping around a few feet above and in front of him, and that made it easier to start walking.

 

*

 

He was tied to the chair, April standing over him, while the part of her that acted as her daemon was pinning the swallow to the floor, when Dean and Sam crashed through the door. She immediately stabbed him with the angel blade. The last thing Castiel heard was the shrieking of his daemon joining his own hoarse cry.

 

*

 

When he woke up, there was a small beak digging into his neck. He turned his head carefully and saw the swallow lying on his shoulder. She was coming to, sitting up slowly and looking around.

Coming to the conclusion that she was all right, he turned his head towards the rest of the room. "Dean?"

"Hey. Hey, yeah." Dean came toward him, leaning down to check on him. Celandia was right next to him, staring at the swallow on Castiel's shoulder. While the biker's rottweiler a few days ago had unsettled him, he found that it did not bother him to have this particular black wolf looking at his small bird daemon.

Trying to understand what had happened, he turned to his side and saw Sam and Aesina on the floor near the wall. "… and Sam."

The lioness shook her head dazedly. Sam seemed just as confused as he was. "Cas. You're okay!"

After Dean had explained about lying to April so she brought Castiel back, they quickly untied him and got to the Impala. They did not want to risk running into any more angels or reapers looking for him.

They sat in the same places as usual, with Sam and Aesina in the back and Castiel riding shotgun, Celandia on the seat between Dean and him. But now there was his own daemon too, perched on his right knee. She had stayed on his shoulder on the way to the car instead of flying around above him as usual.

"So ..." Dean started while he was pulling onto the highway. "You really are completely human now."

"It appears so, yes. Though I can still hear angel radio."

"Right. And your daemon … she just appeared?"

"Yes."

Celandia suddenly spoke up. "What type of bird are you?"

His daemon shifted her wings a bit and answered. "I'm a barn swallow."

"So has she already settled or is she still shifting?" Sam joined the conversation from the back seat. "I mean your grown up already, Cas, but as a human, you were really only just born."

Castiel hadn't even though about the fact that she was settled. "I don't think she can change her form. But I don't know any other angels that turned human except for Ana, and she was born as a baby. I'm not really sure how all of this works."

"Well, does she have a name?" Dean asked.

Celandia and the swallow both looked at Castiel.

"Um … I don't think so." No one had asked him that before, not even April. He turned to his daemon. "Do you?"

He could feel her embarrassment. "No."

"Huh," Dean said, glancing over at them.

When it became clear Dean wasn't going to add anything else, Sam said: "No problem, Cas. You can take all the time you need to decide on a name you like."

"Thank you, Sam."

During the next few minutes, Castiel felt the tension slowly leaving his body. Dean and Sam were alright, and they were headed for the bunker. Maybe he could stop worrying about heaven and the other angels for a little while. He leaned against the window and his daemon hopped into the small space that he always left on the seat between himself and Celandia ever since Dean had lectured him about personal space. He didn't check to see if some of her feathers were brushing up against fur, but neither Dean nor Celandia complained, so there must have been an acceptable distance left.

His eyes were closed and he was just about to drift of when he heard Dean's daemon speak.

"Fina," she said.

Everyone in the car looked at her in confusion.

"What?" Dean asked as he turned his eyes back to the road.

Before she could answer, the swallow seemed to understand. "Oh! Fina. Yes, I think … I like it."

And Castiel realized that his daemon had just acquired a name. "Fina," he slowly tried out, and the satisfaction he could feel from her was enough to convince him.

"Well, at least it's short," Dean said gruffly, but Castiel saw the slight smile on his face.

Sam promised to look up everything about the name as soon as they were back at the bunker.

After a while, Castiel leaned back against the side of the car and closed his eyes again. With Sam and Dean bickering quietly about the music in the background and the small warmth of his daemon against his thigh, he fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas.

The best thing about torturing people in Hell was that Alastair stopped touching Cela. Dean's wolf daemon was allowed to cower in a corner, her black coat covered in soot, staring off into space while he learned how to make people scream and sob and beg.

The emotional connection usually present between him and his soul became numb. He only felt her unease when he was forced to touch one of his victim's daemons. It made Dean hesitate every time, but Alastair casually stepping toward Cela was always incentive enough to continue.

After what felt like an eternity, a light descended around him.

Dean tried in vain to escape its terrifyingly pure presence.

It gathered him and Cela up in its warmth and carried them away.

 

*

 

While it always made him queasy that ghosts only manifested in their human or animal form but never in both, he didn't think it strange that Castiel didn't have a daemon. Even on that first day in the barn, it appeared fitting, simply making the angel seem more inscrutable.

The way Zachariah and the others made their vessel's daemons walk beside them as emotionless puppets bothered him a lot more.

But over time he sometimes caught himself wishing Cas had a daemon. Not a puppet, like the other angels, but something real, a way for Dean to judge what he was feeling. Like how he always knew Sam was on edge when his lioness was lashing her tail back and forth, or that her allowing Cela to groom her fur was the surest sign that everything was good between him and his brother.

Also, maybe a fellow daemon to interact with would stop Cela from staring at Cas so much whenever he and Dean talked.

He kept expecting his daemon to snap and growl at the angel when he violated their personal space. Sometimes the trench coat would brush her fur when they stood next to each other, and Cas had a habit of talking to her directly. But she never objected, even answering sometimes.

So Dean had to explain the rules to Cas himself. He was pissed at her for acting like it wasn't her problem, too.

 

*

 

After Cas healed him in Stull Cemetery, the handprint on Dean's shoulder was gone. He only noticed it at Lisa's house, when he was taking a long shower, trying not to imagine what Sam was going through at that very moment.

The skin on his shoulder was perfectly smooth.

Cela's handprint was still there, though. The fur had grown back in years ago, but it was still sprinkled with gray in that area above her shoulder blade, and when he parted the fur to check he could still see the scar tissue in the form of Cas' hand on her skin.

He spent most of the next year trying not to think about his brother. Not to think about all the things the Devil was probably doing to him, to _Aesina_. Dean was glad he had Lisa and Ben. Living a new, different life helped keep him occupied. Also, on the bad days, Cela snuggled up with Lisa's falcon, and when Ben was tired after a long day, she would carry his daemon home on her back.

Dean later thought that he and Lisa might have progressed to daemon touching, someday.

 

*

 

When Sam went through the trials, Aesina had an extra glow to her coat. Dean thought it was eerie, especially compared to the way Sam's body was failing more and more.

The glow disappeared in the church, drifting up into the sky next to the light from Sam's arm when he let the last trial go. All that remained were Sam's weak body and his daemon, huddled against him, her fur almost brown in the dark.

 

*

 

Whenever Ezekiel talked to Dean while possessing Sam, he just made Aesina freeze. The lioness didn't move, Dean couldn't even see her breathing. Not that she needed to, of course.

As soon as Ezekiel faded into the background, Aesina moving again, Cela moved closer to their little brother, even nudging Aesina's fur with her nose. It must have seemed weird to Sam, who wouldn't have seen any clear cause for her behavior. Dean hoped he attributed it to the stress of almost loosing him and Aesina again. In any case, Sam didn't remark on it except for throwing him skeptical looks whenever it happened.

 

*

 

When they crashed into the room, the reaper killed Cas right in front of their eyes. Dean could only just make out something small falling away to dust under her fake daemon's paw.

He felt a stab of terror and loss. Followed by the same guilt that always came when Cas died, or disappeared, or turned into God, or went crazy.

Thankfully, Ezekiel brought him back quickly, before Dean could properly process that he would never get the chance to know Cas as a human, with a human soul.

But then there the soul was, forming in a swirl of gold on Cas' shoulder.

Dean studied the small bird for a heartbeat before Ezekiel left the steering wheel and he moved to check on Sam.

"Dean," Cas groaned.

Dean turned back towards him.

It was weird, Cas with a daemon. The bird ruffled its dark blue feathers. There was a patch of red on her neck and forehead, over a white belly.

Cas turned his head to look around the room. "And Sam …"

"Never do that again!" Dean said. He tried not to stare at the bird. His daemon didn't show the same restraint.

When telling the lie about tricking April into bringing Cas back before killing her, Dean wasn't as quick on his feet as usual. Cela shot him a look that was clearly unimpressed. Thankfully, Sam and Cas were both too out of it to notice.

 

*

 

In the car, Dean didn't react when the swallow's feathers brushed fur as she settled down between Cas' thigh and Cela, even though it startled him. Almost all other daemons were so intimidated by his daemon's form they made a wide berth around her. But then again, it was Cas. Of course he wasn't afraid of them. He had seen Dean at his worst the very first time they met and still become friends with him.

Dean could feel Cela was deep in thought for a while after they had asked Cas about his daemon. Who, it turned out, was a barn swallow. He wondered what that said about Cas' soul. Hadn't he heard a song about swallows and freedom, once?

A few minutes later, Cela said: "Fina."

And though the wolf didn't twitch an ear when Fina and Cas accepted the name, Dean could feel her satisfaction very clearly through their bond. He couldn't help the slight smile on his lips that stayed long after Cas had fallen asleep against the window.

 

*

 

They sat down in the kitchen to eat the burritos they had bought on the way home. As always, Aesina lay down behind Dean while they ate and Cela sat on the stairs by the door, watching over them all. Dean noticed Fina stayed on Cas' shoulder when they sat down. Maybe a perch for her to sit on in some of the bunker's rooms would be a good idea. If she even wanted a perch. Perhaps she was one of those birds that preferred sitting on a table or clinging to a shelf on the wall. He would ask Cela to ask her later.

They all tucked into their food.

"This is very good," Cas said, his mouth half full. "It really is so different, eating as a human."

"The very best part of being one," Dean said solemnly. He picked a piece of meat from his burrito, lowered his hand to his side and fed it to Aesina.

"Dude!" Sam protested. "We've had this conversation a thousand times!"

"What? Just because your daemon isn't human, you think she shouldn't enjoy the good things in life? Bad enough that she has to put up with all the rabbit food you eat. She's a carnivore, Sammy."

"You're not the one who's going to have to put up with a stomach ache later, Dean!" Sam turned to Cas. "I'm sure you already know daemons aren't meant to eat. But a word of advice, now that you actually have one: Don't ever let Dean tempt her into trying it. Once they've had a taste, they can be insatiable." He glared in Aesina's direction, who wasn't fazed in the slightest and accepted the next bit of chicken Dean fed her.

The swallow suddenly took off from Cas' shoulder, into the air. Everyone watched her fly around the room for a moment. When it seemed she just wanted to stretch her wings, they went back to their food.

Dean ignored Sam and Cas as their conversation turned to the metaphysics of daemons interacting with the material plane. He couldn't help following the way Fina dipped and dived around them from the corner of his eye. He could feel a tension in his own daemon growing as the figures the swallow was weaving through the air shifted, centering around the area by the main door.

He got only a split second warning in the form of excitement shooting through their bond before Cela leapt off the stairs and snapped at the air underneath Fina's tail feathers as the swallow swerved upwards just in time.

"Whoa!" Sam and Aesina both jumped up, seeming ready to intervene, but Cas didn't seem upset, only slightly startled.

Dean knew Cela didn't mean any harm, but he wondered what Cas was getting from Fina's end.

Just then the swallow turned and dived down, maneuvering around Cela's head and tugging on the fur at her neck before soaring upwards again.

From then on it evolved into a full on game, the wolf chasing the swallow, who darted in occasionally for a hit of her own.

Sam sat back down at the table. Dean made sure to avoid his gaze. Instead, he watched Cela skid around the island. He knew what Sam was thinking. Dean couldn't remember the last time his daemon had been this playful. She would tackle Aesina sometimes, when Sam needed cheering up, but that hadn't led to any running wildly around rooms for years now.

He decided it was best to ignore the daemons. "How about we head out to the bar tonight?"

Cas seemed to take his cue from Dean and turned his attention away from the swiping paws and flapping wings. "I would like that. What about you, Sam?"

"Sure, yeah."

Dean risked a glance and saw that Sam was still looking at him, eyebrow raised.

He fed Aesina some more chicken.

 

*

 

He should have known the happiness wouldn't last. He had been doing his best to forget about the angel inside Sam and the fact that though his brother might seem a lot better, he was still in danger.

They were in the war room when Ezekiel interrupted his conversation with Sam.

"Castiel cannot stay here."

Dean tried his best to talk sense into the angel, but it was useless. Cela watched with her ears pressed flat to her head, her lips raised in a silent snarl.

It came down to Cas leaving the bunker or Ezekiel leaving Sam's body, leaving him to die. The latter was not an option.

Dean felt panic rising up. He needed time, time to think.

"He should leave within the hour," Ezekiel said before fading away and letting Sam regain consciousness.

Dean managed to convince Sam to rest in his room before going to join Cas, who was eating another burrito in the library.

It was Sammy's life on the line. Cas could take care of himself. He was tough.

As soon as they walked up to were Cas was sitting, Fina chirped happily before landing on Cela's back. Dean felt his heart sink even further.

"Cas, ah, can we talk?"

"Of course! Dean, you know I always appreciate our talks, our time together."

It was one of the hardest things Dean had ever said. "Listen, buddy, um …" Sam. Think of Sammy. "You can't stay."

 

*

 

The look in Cas' eyes and the way he cradled Fina close to his heart when she flew into his arms were killing Dean long before he had escorted them out of the bunker.

The swallow had not looked at Dean or Cela once.

As soon as he closed the main door behind Cas, Cela bit his hand so hard it bled. Then she walked down the stairs, only stopping when the distance between them was painful.

 

*

 

She didn't talk to him for ages after that.

At breakfast a few days later, she was lying behind Aesina, on the far side of where Dean was making more pancakes for Sam. He had kept up the habit of making extra sure Sam ate regularly even now that the trials were over.

His brother was sitting at the table, waiting for the next batch. "What's up with you lately, anyway?"

Dean looked up. "What?"

Sam threw a pointed glance at where Dean's daemon was lying behind Aesina, her head turned away from all of them. "You and Cela have been ignoring each other for days."

Dean flipped a pancake. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Sam sighed. "Yes, you do. She's hovering around me and Aesina even more than usual. Acting like she's my daemon instead of yours."

Dean stayed silent. Sam was eating enough that he needed to make more food. It was such a far cry from the couple of bites that were all his brother could manage a few weeks ago. It had to be worth it.

But Sam wouldn't see it that way. He couldn't tell him.

Sam pulled out the card he always tried when Dean wasn't in the mood to talk. "Aesina could always ask Cela, if you're not going to answer."

It worked sometimes, but Dean knew it wouldn't this time. Cela was in the exact same pickle he was, even if she resented him for it.

Sure enough, Cela just said: "Sorry, Sam."

Thankfully, Sam dropped the topic.

As Dean finished the pancakes he couldn't help wondering what Cas would think of his recipe. Wondering if he had even tried pancakes, yet. Cas knew enough to get by, right? He was _not_ lying in a ditch somewhere, starving. He had millennia of experience rattling around in his brain. Even if that experience was of life as a different species ...

Damn it. Was there really no other option? Should he risk talking to Ezekiel about Cas again?

But the angel could take off at any moment, leaving Sam to die.

Dean resolutely stopped his train of thought.

He decided to make a different breakfast tomorrow. Maybe some of the really healthy stuff Sam liked so much. Pancakes were overrated, anyway.

 

*

 

That afternoon, Dean was idly surfing the internet on Sam's laptop, Cela on the floor a few feet away. Before he knew it, he had started reading up on barn swallows. Sam had already set aside some books for Cas, of course, but there was lots on the internet, too.

After a couple of hours and constant descriptions of swallows as _strongly migratory_ or _long-distance migrants_ , Dean stopped reading. He cleared the history, shut down the laptop and opened a bottle of whiskey.

 

*

 

When Cas called from Idaho for help with a possible case, Kevin accused Dean of being so eager to go because he didn't want to help with the research on ancient languages they needed. Dean told himself that was exactly it.

After driving to Idaho, he went to check out the latest crime scene, but it didn't fit the M.O. of any of the monsters they usually dealt with.

Then, in the Gas-N-Sip … It was so strange, seeing Castiel, former warrior of heaven, in that uniform. Even stranger than the fact that his soul was perching on the counter, watching Dean's every move.

Dean didn't know how to react. He was so relieved, seeing Cas alive and whole, that he didn't really notice mocking Cas' new job might not be the best move until Cela nipped at his pant leg. He shut up, grateful for her intervention, before quickly searching for a change of subject. "Anyway, what's it like for you, having a daemon now? I never asked."

"It's astonishing," Cas looked at Fina with a slight smile. "Even though I'm still the only one there, it's just less lonely enough to make it bearable."

Dean felt his chest constricting. Cela looked at him like she would growl if she wasn't afraid Cas might think it was directed at him.

"But there are downsides, too," Cas continued. "I knew human's don't like it when others touch their daemons, but I wasn't aware of how complicated that makes moving around. I'm very glad she can fly above crowds."

"So, you finally understand personal space, huh?" Dean knew his grin was probably too bright.

They left for the next crime scene together, where Cas recognized the work of a Rit Zien.

Dean gave him a ride to his date's place, then left to look for the rogue angel.

When he found out it was going after Cas, he thought it would be like the reaper all over again. Only this time, Ezekiel wasn't there to bring Cas back if Dean was too late.

But, driving like crazy, he made it just in time.

When it was all over and Cas' manager had come back home, Dean was leaning against the impala while Cas said goodbye.

"It's not hard to put it together," Cela said as soon as Dean had finished talking to Sam on the phone. "The Rit Zien was honing in on pain. Killing off the desperate. It attacked Cas. He and Fina are obviously not okay. We need to -" She stopped when she saw Cas walking towards them, Fina on his shoulder.

Dean turned, asking over the impala's roof. "Where to, Cas?"

Cas paused, opened his mouth and closed it again. Then he looked away before wordlessly getting into the car.

Maybe he had hoped he could come back to the bunker with them. Dean grimaced at the night air and opened the driver side door for Cela to jump inside.

As soon as she and Dean were seated, too, Cela pointedly looked from where Fina was still sitting on Cas' shoulder to the small space next to her on the seat.

Dean didn't start driving. He waited for Fina to slowly climb down and settle between Cas and Cela. Then he said: "Cas … I'm really sorry, you know."

"Of course, Dean. But there's no need to pity me. I'm doing okay right now. I might not have a permanent place to stay, but I've got a job, and I might even be able to afford a small apartment, soon."

"That's not what I meant. I don't pity you. I know it's been hard for you, on you're own. But I'm proud of the way you're adapting." Dean smiled slightly at Cas over Cela's back. "What I meant was - I'm sorry you couldn't stay at the bunker."

"It's fine," Cas said to the dashboard, his voice monotone. "You have a lot on your plate, I get that."

"No, no it's not fine, I, uh, I owe you an explanation." Dean took a deep breath. "The reason I asked you to go... the _only_ reason, was that Sam's life was on the line."

"What? What happened, is he alright?"

"He's okay, don't worry. It's just, I can't share all the details, but since the trials, someone has been helping me heal him. He looks well enough at the moment, but apparently everything is still mixed up on a cellular level. He still needs help or he might get worse again, he," Dean buried his hand in Cela's coat, "he might die. But the person helping me, they said if you were around they would leave."

Cas looked at him, shocked and concerned. "Why?"

Dean huffed. "Apparently they're scared of the angels that are after you or something."

"Oh."

"I just need you to know. That it wasn't because I didn't want you to stay with us."

"Okay. But Dean, if someone is blackmailing you … That never ends well. Let me help -"

"No! Thanks, Cas, but you can't. You can't get involved in this. I can't risk it. You have to understand," Dean didn't even care that he was pleading, "I _can't_ let Sammy get hurt, you know I can't."

Cas just met his gaze for a moment. Then he sighed and leaned back against the seat. "Okay," he said quietly. "I understand."

And Dean believed him. He relaxed his hold on Cela's fur.

Cas looked at the wolf. "I used to be able to see the colors of your soul, you know. I know what Sam means to you."

"Right," Dean said.

When he didn't continue, Cela nudged his knee with her paw.

Dean cleared his throat. "But as soon as this whole mess is over, as soon as Sam is alright … I - we want you to come back. To the bunker."

He saw Fina's head perk up, looking at him over Cela's back.

"That would be nice," Cas said, studying the glove compartment again.

Dean sighed. He cast around in his mind for something he could do to help Cas _now_. "And you can stay at my motel tonight, and I'll pay for the room for a month. And then maybe I can send more cash, or -"

"I don't want you're money, Dean." That glare was still one hundred percent Warrior of God.

Dean swallowed. "Yeah, of course not."

In a more gentle tone, Cas said: "You don't have to worry about me. I've made it this far, and I have Fina, too. It really does help that she's here."

"That's, that's good, and I get what you mean," Dean glanced at Cela. "But if you do need help, you can always call me, or Jody. I think we've told you about her, Jody Mills? I'll give you her number and address, just in case, all right?"

"Okay."

After another beat of silence, Dean turned forward and started driving towards the motel.

He wasn't sure if Cas was planning on ever using the contact information, but at least he would have it in case he ever really needed help and Dean was unable to leave Sam.

Dean would call Jody and give her a heads-up tomorrow morning, just to make sure she'd be ready to help.

 

*

 

When he dropped Cas off back at work the next day, Dean felt slightly better about saying goodbye than last time. It helped that Fina was at least looking at him, sitting in the open window, when Cas leaned down next to her to say goodbye.

Cela leaned forward, gently nudging Fina's feathers with her nose.

Dean raised a hand in farewell.

Cas returned the gesture and Fina gave a quick chirp before taking off into the air.

Dean watched Cas walk into the store.

Barn swallows were migratory, he thought as he pulled onto the road. That meant that they kept leaving.

But it also meant that they returned to the same home year after year.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is unbetaed so please feel free to point out mistakes in the comments. Any and all feedback is appreciated!  
> I hope you liked it. 
> 
> Disclaimer: Neither Supernatural nor His Dark Materials are mine and I'm not making any money with this.


End file.
